The Inner Workings of my Schizophrenic Mind

Boracay!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Will let the pictures do the talking...

on the way...nel tulog...

by the flying L300 (a este, 19-seater airplane!)

lunch at blueberry

dinner at pier 1

cocomangas

haha! tourista! baduy...

lunch at casa pilar

bangengers

leaving bora...sad and sunog!

(will add more of island hopping, and bom-b0m bangengers night!)

Wala Lang

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I'll be in Boracay in roughly 16 hours! woohoo!!
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Microsoft Excel is not infinite! A while ago, I reached the columns limit. I cannot add any more columns. That's how big my worksheet was! And I thought excel is infinite!!!
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I'm cranky when I'm hungry.
I'm crankier when I'm hungry and sleepy.
I'm crankiest when I'm hungry and stuck in traffic.
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I'm not bitter anymore!

If people ask, how am I? My reply would be...Steady lang!

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I'm damn broke.
(Fact established from previous post)

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After last week's pretending to be physically fit, (everyday tae-bo or jogging!), I'm now back to my baboy lifestyle.
Monday. ate lunch at 11 am. ate lunch again at 2 pm. ate heavy dinner (there was a buffet party in the office).
Tuesday. My dinner consisted of 1 venti choco frap, 1 chocolate gonuts donuts, half a chocnut donut, and a third of peanut butter donut.
Wednesday. Breakfast was a slice (a big one!) of chocolate cake. Lunch was Kare-Kare. Merienda was 20 bucks worth of fishball/squid ball, dinner was a slice of Brooklyn Pizza.

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I have nothing substantial to write about.

Nelism's at ang mga nahawa

Monday, February 13, 2006

Nel: You know what's ironic, Guys are assuming and at the same time insensitive.
Nina: True!

Ano ba 'tong Fita Mocha, di lasang Mocha. Eh kaya pala, Chocolate!

Ugs: It must be the straw!

Gen: Sa Feb 15-16, maraming wala, so dapat mag-step up kayo! Magpakitang Gilas!
Nina: Sige! Magwawalis kame!

Ugs: I don't get it what's with girls and flowers. Di mo naman mapapakinabangan. Mas okay kung cash na lang!
Nina: Oo nga! Cash na lang kaysa Pera!
Myke: Nina, na-Ne-Nel ka na!

Ugs: Wow! ang dami kong nakikita
Nel: Malamang, may mata ka eh
Nina: angst!!!

"Ugs, mukha kang tae!"

"Wag mo kong tatanungin ng ganyan! O-oo ako!

Myke: Nel, bumabalik nanaman sakit mo!

Kix: Autistic ako! May sarili akong mundo!
Nel: Ako rin! Ako rin! Ay wait..di pala, schizo pala ako!
Kix: Oo nga Schizo ka! Minsan spaced-out ka. tapos minsan bigla kang sumasayaw.

Aysee Story...
lumang anecdote na, pero di ko pa nabloblog...

Sa street ng Aysee.

Inside PJ's car
Nel: Kain tayo sa Aysee
PJ: Masarap nga jan. Kaso muntik na ako mapaaway dati kase may nambastos kay nikki.
Nina: huh? Ba't tayo Nel, di binastos nung kumain tayo?
Nel: OO nga.. unfair!
--anyways, pinagalitan kami ni PJ. Gago raw kaming 2.

Inside Jason's car
Nel: Aysee tayo!
Jason: Ok jan. Kaso dapat wala kang kasamang girls. Nabastos si Debbie dati jan eh
Nina: Yun din yung story ni PJ! Bakit tayo di binastos, di ba tayo babae?
Nel: Siguro dahil nung kumain tayo mukha tayong basura. Galing tayong badminton eh, tapos ang loud loud pa natin.
Nina: O sige next time, pumorma tayo

Inside Ugs' car. With Myke. Lunch time. On the way to Aysee
Kinekwento namin na same yung story ni PJ at ni jason na nabasatos yung girlfriends nila nung kumain sila sa aysee. tapos sinasabi namin na nagtataka kme kung bat kme di binastos. di ba kame tinuturing na girls? nakakaoffend naman yun!
Myke: Siraulo kayong 2! Nel, alam ba ni tits yung pinagsasabi mo? Kung si Enel kayo, ewan ko lang!!!
Nel/Nina: Hello! di naman namin gusto mabastos 'no! nagtataka lang kami kung bakit hindi

Paglabas sa aysee
nel: di pa rin tayo binastos
nina: lunch time eh, wala pang lasing!

Oo na...siraulo kame!

Tagaytay

Tagaytay has always been special to me. When we were kids, my sibling and I were always thrown to Taal Vista to swim when my parents have conventions.

It was in Tagaytay when I had my hardest fall from my rollerblades after an attempt of rollerbalding downhill, in an upright position and without any protective gears on.

In college, Tagaytay has always been my blockmate's and my escape. We occassionally skip Science 101 class just to go to the old Leslie's to eat some sisig, bulalo, and drink San Mig Light. We try to get back before English class.

Tagaytay's where my friends from block and I celebrate--from birthdays, to end of semesters, to finishing thesis defense.

Tagaytay's where I had some of my most kilig moments. I was spending the night playing (and losing) tong-its in Tagaytay with my MEcO friends when I had this long kilig exchange of text messages with my then serious-crush! :) (Hirit of the moment: Unlucky in cards...lucky in love!)

It was in Tagaytay where I probably first fell in love with you-know-who, when he joined me and my COA friends for an overnight barbecue/swimming party. It was here where he first gave me flowers. It was in Tagaytay where we had our first couple date. Ironically, it was in Tagaytay that we had out last.

Now, Tagaytay is the "place to be" of my office friends. Sometimes, we have days preparing for our trip, and sometimes, we just go there at the spur of the moment. We really don't do anything there. We just drink coffee from Starbucks and talk and talk and talk.

Thinking about it, I really don't know what's the frill about Tagaytay. I don't even know why I'm alloting blog space to talk about a place. It's just an ordinary place, really. I come there too often that it becomes more and more common, more and more ordinary.

I don't know. Probably because it becomes more and more common to me, it becomes a part of me. Perhaps, because of its seemingly ordinariness, it grows to be special. Maybe places, things, and even people are like that. Sometimes, we overlook how special they are because they are within an arm's reach from us. Sometimes, we just don't realize how special things are because they seem to be common and ordinary.

(Haha..bitin...di ako makaisip ng ending!)

Everybody's Changing

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

(Pictures to follow...)
I've been naturally high these past few days. (I guess it's an after effect of my diving/chill-out weekend ). My back-to-back activities and gimmicks keep me positive, and there are certain people :)right now who make me very happy. :)

Last Friday, we had our despidida dinner for Myke (and welcome dinner for Kix), in Jaymies' Grill at the Fort, which lasted til 2 am. Macky's antics were hilarious especially when he's competing attention against Kix. It was a well-attended and uber-ly fun AMS dinner. If we didn't have a presentation the next day, we would have stayed longer.

Earlier in the office, we watched a hand-interpretative presentation by
some street children. There was a seminar in the office for the
distributors, and we were able to glimpse at the highlight presentation.
The kids were dressed in black, there faces were covered, their hands painted brightly, the room was dark except for the blacklight which
radiates the kid's painted hands. In the tune of "What a Wonderful
World", they amazingly formed figures using their hands. It's amazing, amazing, amazing.

Saturday.
The we had our presentation to the VP. Afterwards, Nina, Tehnie, Justin, and I went to Galleria to buy a birthday gift for Sir Sammy's son. We bought a super nice remote-controlled car. We ate, then went to Olympic Badminton to watch Raf and Ugs play badminton. Actually, they just practiced because they can't compete because they really don't know how to play.

Sunday.
Attended the 1030 am mass in Gesu. Met up afterwards with Ayee, Myke and Enelle, Ugs, Nina, Tehnie, then later, Raf. We went to Sean's (sir
sammy's son) children's party. Of course, we ate a lot (duh!). Then we
had some glitter tattoo put on. (heheh, nakipila pa kme sa kids!). I had a dolphin, Ayee-a fish, Tehnie--some anklet type, and Nina--a dragon.

Then, we took some pictures with Spongebob! I had one holding Spongebob's nose, heheh!!

When were supposed to go home...
Ugs: ano tagaytay?
Me: Wag mo kong yayain ng ganyan, game ako!
Tehnie: Uwi na tayo! Wala tayong pera.
Nina: Game, tagayatay!

It's one cool and funny road trip. Lots of picture taking.

So an hour or so after, we find ourselves in Starbucks Tagaytay, drinking coffee, and eating Pancakes from Pancake House.

Then Tehnie suggested to go see the castle! Pa-picture lang daw. So
anyways, after another hour or so, we find ourself in Lemery Batangas-just to take some pictures of the Fanatasy World Castle.

On the way home, we passed by Mushroom burger and the Nike Depot in Sta
Rosa.

Monday:
After our Tae-bo class, the 4 of us went to CUL. Tehnie and I won the
race!!! (Because everytime we race from the office to CUL). Woohoo!!!
Nina won't believe that Tehnie and I were already in CUL, so we let her
talk to the security guard of CUL. Hahaha, we're pathetic.
SO, we bought some chips, softdrinks, fish balls, then ate at the back of my mom's Adventure. Picnic til 9 pm.

Anyways, Nina and I are in our drama mode. Everybody's moving, changing,
except for us. Myke is already in Sta. Rosa (aww). Manny is in Bulacan.
Ugs will be spending most of his time in the Distributor's office. Gen is getting married. Tehnie will be moving to the Makati office.
Everybody's part of the Rigodon, except for us.

It's just a weird feeling that you are keeping still while everything
seems to be moving. It's just weird that when things seem to be very ok, very happy, then it will change again.
It's weird when everybody's seems so bonded, some will have to leave.

There will be no more lamon sessions with Myke, biglaang gimmicks with
Tehnie, and gagohan with Manny. There will be lesser CUL sessions, tagaytay gimmicks, and jogging moments.

Hay! I'll miss these happy days.

On Stampede and Self-Confidence

Saturday, February 04, 2006

They were flocking since last thursday.
After our (Myke, Justin, me) supposed jogging in Ultra, I already noticed people lining up around the ULTRA perimeter. I thought there was just a concert of some sort. So I ignored them immediately.

Friday morning, the crowd was even thicker that I opted to take a detour going to the office.

Friday evening, as we were coming back from our after office gimmick, our route was closed. The crowd was so thick that they occupy the road leaving us no choice but to take a longer detour.

I asked Ayee, "anong meron?"
Ayee: "Anniversary raw ng Wowowee"

This morning, Ayee said "Nel, naalala mo yung mga tao kagabi sa Ultra?"
Nel: Baket?
Ayee: Nagka-stampede raw, mga 60 plus na yung namatay.

It's just so sad.
The incident is depressing. Here are people hoping to be uplifted from the poverty they are in, wanting to have a better life for themselves and for their children. The price that they pay? Their own lives. It's just so sad that these tragedies have to happen.

Maybe what's even remorseful are the instances leading to this situation. For these people, joining this contest is their only source of hope to uplift their lives. It's so depressing having your life surrendered only to chance and having your fortune dictated by some afternoon TV show.

What's even more depressing is the false hope provided by these TV shows. Yes, some though actually win. In some level,they are helping the lucky winners. (I'm not even gonna talk about how this is a business--therefore, a profit-oriented venture). However, we have to reevaluate if they are really helping? Maybe they're not. Most probably, they just aggrevate the situation of the poor by giving them false hopes for instant gratification. They just teach people to take their chance,to take an easy way out. They encourage joining the contest. The value of work and sacrifice is taken for granted. Maybe they are sending a wrong message. Maybe they're spurring the new "Juan Tamad Culture", letting people wait for the "bayabas" to fall in their mouths.

Instead of promulgating them to have jobs, to start a microenterprise of some sort, these shows just mold them to be dependent on chance.

I know I'm not really in the position to say all these. I know I am still being an idealistic visionary. I've never experience the poverty they are in so I wouldn't know what is it to be placed in their situation. I have nothing against them. I know they are just victims, Willing victims, perhaps. But victims, nonetheless. What disgusts me is the system that controls, manipulates all these. What saddens me, is that it seems I cannot do anything about it.

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Where can I buy self-confidence?

I just presented to our VP. It's okay, but of course, traces of being scared and nervous can still be recognized. After the presentation, our Director told me, "practice ka pa practice ka pa. you know what you're saying, you've handled lots of implemenatations, pero kinakabahan ka pa".
This director was also the one who told me before "If you know it in here (point finger on his head), and you know it right here (put his fist in his chest), the words will come out right".

The thing is, I know it by mind and by heart, but I just can't get the words right. I have a stigma for presentations. I just get nervous on the spot. I just don't have the talent in speaking organized thought.

Weird that I'll say this...I need more self-confidence!!

Coiled

Friday, February 03, 2006

I was meaning to write this post couple of weeks ago, however some events push it away. Anyhow, I will attempt to use these events as a springboard to what I want to say.

After all the shit that happened recently in my life, I seek immediate comfort with my friends. It's just that I am not the type to share that kind of stuff with my family. They also kept their silence trying to weigh whether I am okay or not. Of course, they knew I wasn't okay, but they kept their distance and silence. Aside from my mom's infamous "and so?" comment, my situation was never talked about. Well, not in front of
me, perhaps.

Last week, on the way to PGH (my lola-aunt was confined), my mom mentioned that when Kian (my brother) knew about what happened to me, he
was so red-furious that he wanted to confront the then-boyfriend. He was
that angry. I tried to hold back my tears when my mom was telling me
this. A couple of days ago, my sister left a wonderful message on my
blog--about seeking comfort not only with my friends and family but with
God. What I'm trying to say is that it's uplifting to know that despite
the "distance" we have with each other, that despite not being intimately close, though we are not best friends and all, my family and I love each other. It's a genuine kind of love and care seldomly expressed by words.

I grew up in such an unconventional household. We didn't have spoken or
written tangible rules. We don't have curfews, we don't have time schedule for watching TV. We are allowed to go out if we want. We never
get grounded. We don't have clear instances of having rewards and
punishment. Despite having the absence of rules, we grew up to be
civilized, smart, responsible, and spiritual. Ironically, maybe the
absence of rules molded us to be as such. Because we are given freedom,
we have nothing to rebel about. Because we are given freedom, we were
forced to be responsible. Early on, we have that idea of "hiya" if we
don't perform responsibly. As our parents were good to us, the least we
can do is become good children.

We didn't have a clear application of the concept of rewards and punishment. We were given the "rewards" (things we want) first, then we
are expected to perform better.

Of course there are tradeoffs with the twisted way of being brought up.
Though I can say we grew up to be smart, responsible, and all that jazz,
we were spoiled! Damn spoiled. We are used to getting what we want when
we want it. We have a vague idea what waiting is about because if we
want something, we expect it to given at once.

My post is like one coil of spring right now. It goes on circles, and
springs to one topic to another.

To be consistently inconsistent with what I'm writing right now, I'll
just mention some realizations I have with myself. I guess i'm a girl
stripped off all her femininity. Or maybe like what Junnel once told me
"Ate, you're a boy trapped in a girl's body". I don't enjoy shopping.
I'm not fond of shoes, and even clothes. I don't get the point of
accessorizing and all that stuff. Of course, there are moments I want to
look pretty and all (but that's the "Nel is the center of the world"
mentality kicking in). Well, it's just that I'd rather be laid back, partially lousy, comfortable. The day Nel fixes her hair, is the day she ceases to be Nel.

What else...I don't know. My brain's not functioning well after a 4 1/2
hours of gruelling meeting. Hay, I need some rest. I'm again late for Tae-bo...stupid long meeting. Arghh, I'm hungry.

I posted some pictures (including some from the diving trip minus the underwater pictures, which I will post as soon as GJ gives it to me) on my multiply site. It's linked somewhere on the right tab of this page. hehehe...tamad

Morning Achoochoochoo

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I arrived relatively early in the office today. I guess most of my officemates are in Metro Badminton right now having their 630 am Tae-bo class. I was supposed to be with them. I alarmed at 5 am, woke up at 5 am but got out of bed at 6. I was just lying there thinking about stuff. So here I am, on my desk, early for work, but too late for tae-bo.

I was in Cainta and Angono the whole day yesterday to do some implementation work. I have slight colds and sore throat right now because the other night, after jogging, I didnt immediately change my shirt, and I had the aircon on.

Anyways...this is such a pointless post.

Nel is...

Crazy
Crazy
Crazy
Beautiful

just recently...

Weekend Sh*t
As if nothing happened
Jeez...
Zambales Surf...
My New Dick!
What's Up Surf's Up
Advance Open Water Diver
Cebu!
Bicol-Donsol (with uploaded photos)
Some Backlog